Shaping Character and Attitude

God’s provision is an intricate thing.  In many ways, it’s obscure and difficult to navigate, but in other ways it’s dumbfounding in its simplicity.  I still have not grasped the true reason for my journey to Queretaro, but I’m believing more and more that it’s less and less about the actual students.  Oh sure, I’m still trying to make a positive impact on these students in hopes for a better future, but there is something bigger going on.  For starters, my life is radically changing, and I think for the better.  God is shaping my character and my attitude, and stripping me of my dependence on things other than Him.

This second semester is already so different from first semester.  My circumstances haven’t changed so much as my attitude towards them.  My students are still crazy, the administration is crazier still, and my Spanish still isn’t where I’d like it to be, but I have perspective on all these things.  These circumstances are not my problem—the fact that I’ve been focusing solely on myself has been the problem.  I have been making myself miserable by wallowing in self-pity.  No, Mexico is not what I thought it would be, and neither is my life for that matter, but this is only a small piece of a grand plan.  I have been learning that the farther I push outside of myself and focus on others, the better my attitude becomes.  God is revealing a small glimpse at that grand plan, and I want be a part of it instead of just watching it happen.

Great things that have resulted from this revelation: I’m not stressed about my lesson planning even when I have to modify the same lesson four different times because it totally bombed; pushing past myself has allowed me to get to know some other people and build friendships with some of the National teachers—I actually like I have friends now!  I am pouring into people, and as a result, they are pouring back into me.  I am rediscovering how much I enjoy getting to know people on a personal level.  I am becoming more what God wants me to be—His hands and feet.

Lesson learned (or still in the process of being learned anyways): when life is at its bleakest and I am consumed with my problems, I need to do something nice for someone else and get the focus off of myself.  God will do the rest.