Miracles

This morning I was watching a sermon from my church back in Colorado Springs about miracles, and I began to think about all of the miracles I have witnessed in life.  I believe God performs miracles ever day but often times we are blind to them or we attribute them to another source or don’t call them miracles at all.  Maybe we don’t observe miracles as they were in the Bible—when was the last time you walked through a parted river or tasted wine that used to be regular old well water?  But this doesn’t mean that God is not performing wonders in this world.  Simple things like finding an underground river of pure, clean water in a location in Kenya where there was none, or showing up in a tiny village along the Yukon River in Alaska with no place to sleep and being offered the preschool Head Start building and a key to the bathrooms and showers for free, or God giving my parents a negative income on paper so I could receive necessary financial aid to attend college.  Looking back, I can clearly see God’s miraculous work in my life and the lives of others, and sometimes I was fortunate to realize it at the time as well.

Perhaps the most awe-provoking miracle to me is when God turns a hardened heart towards him.  This is what I am privileged to bear witness to here in Mexico.  Remember Purpose, the one I believe God sent me to Mexico for?  Well, God has been working overtime in this gal’s life.  I remember my conversations with her when we first started hanging out, and I remember thinking, “This girl is SO different from me; her worldview has been shaped by whatever people tell her to be true about God, religion, our purpose in life—I don’t know if she will ever come around to Christianity.”  But my conversations with Purpose have been incredibly deep courageously bold, on both our parts.  I have been up-front from the beginning that I want to see her saved and have been rather blunt about what that looks like.  In turn, she has been open-minded and free with her questions.  I have seen great change in Purpose.  For someone who used to scoff at prayer, she has been talking to God; she didn’t (and maybe still doesn’t fully) believe that Bible is true, but she has been receptive to the passages I’ve been sharing with her.  God has given Purpose a thirst for Him, and she is responding by asking questions, borrowing my Bible, and allowing me to share what God has done in my life.  If this isn’t a miracle, I don’t know what is!  And with everyone that is praying for Purpose, she hasn’t got a chance!  Oh, and I told her that too, at which she just laughed.

God may not perform wonders and signs the way we expect him to, but isn’t that part of what makes them miracles?

TIM Revisited

TIM: This Is Mexico.  Lately it seems as if I have been using this phrase like George uses the phrase, “Serenity Now” in “Seinfeld”.  Sometimes it calms me down and helps put into perspective my current frustrations, and sometimes I think it works against me and is driving me to insanity (some of you may ask, “But how can you be driven to a state you’ve lived in for such a long time?”). 

Here are my favorite “TIM Moments” from this week (so far… and it’s only Wednesday…):

·         Receiving a vague email about some play I’m supposed to take my students to see during class at the END of the day, the day BEFORE it happens—end result was that I did not receive the information until another teacher poked her head into my classroom in a middle of a quiz and told me it was time to go…  This is during the same class that I lost two whole periods the previous week due to testing and that the school refuses to create a modified schedule…

·         Because one of my classes didn’t have to take the quiz today, my last class of the day complained that it wasn’t fair and tried to convince me to move the quiz to tomorrow…

·         Going to the school library to check out “The Outsiders” movie that my AP told me was there (so I can show it to my class next week since we’ve finished the novel) only to be told that “the person” who checks out movies was not there and that the lady at the desk didn’t think they had that movie.  After an email to “the person” explaining I wanted to use the movie next week in my class, I received the following reply: “Sorry we don´t have the movie. We just called a proveedor and they can order it and have it here in about two weeks. Let me know if this would work for you.” …

·         I went to the copy place to pick up the copies I ordered last week, but Diana (the copy girl) wasn’t there, and there were three “repairmen” working on “fixing” the copiers and just looked at me like I was crazy for asking for my copies…

·         My AP (the same one who promised me the school had a copy of “The Outsiders”) stopped by my room today to make a face at me through the window while my students were taking a quiz—real professional…

I am able to see the humor in these situations in hindsight (and all but one of them were from today only!), but at the moment most of them were extremely frustrating.  God continues to allow these stumbling blocks into my life to ask me, “Do you still trust me?  Will you maintain composure and do the work I have called you to?”  And the answer to that question today was a forceful no when I threw my book on the ground and made a grunting noise and then ushered my students to the multipurpose room…

To end on a positive note, here are some good things:

·         Today I bought (or rather someone bought for me) a ticket to see “The Hunger Games” on Friday!!!

·         I found the movie “The Outsiders” online and I am able to download it (completely legally…) to use next week in my class!

·         I have all the vaccinations and medicine I need for Kenya!

·         I leave for Kenya in 9 days, 15 hours, 42 minutes, and 13 seconds!

·         And I just ate a frozen Snickers bar—satisfying and a good way to cool off!

Tangled Emotions

As Kenya draws closer (in my mind, not geographically, unless you believe in the Pangea Ultima theory), I find my emotions are becoming more tangled.  I am excited to meet all of the incredible people obeying God’s calling in their lives to love and care for those who have been discarded and despised.  I am excited to see the place that has captured the hearts of my parents.  I am excited to be a part of something so vastly different than anything I’ve experienced in my life before this point.  Yet in the midst of all this excitement I find a nervousness.  Since coming to Mexico, God has been showing me many things about myself that I do not like; things I need to surrender to Him and allow to be eradicated from my life.  I feel like God has been stretching me thin, transparently thin in an effort to break my will and mold me to be more like Him.  This process is extremely painful and disruptive to what I want for me.  I am afraid of what God will show me in Kenya.  What if God asks me to surrender my life of comfort once more to live in Kenya?  What if God gives me the job I want in Colorado Springs but asks me to sacrifice it for the sake of God and for the Gospel (Mark 10:29)?  What if I have to choose between what is known and what is unknown?  Everything within me that is human screams, “Don’t take any more adventures; you went to Mexico, that should be enough.  You’ve done your time, now you need to focus on you and what you want.”  But I know God has not called me to a life of comfort. 

I distinctly remember asking God to disrupt my life so that I would see nothing but Him.  Well, God certainly answered this prayer a lot quicker than others I’ve prayed…  I am truly thankful for all of the experiences I’ve had this past year, and I wouldn’t trade them for my old life, but I am weary of this life of toil.  Despite this weariness, I keep coming back to Luke 14:26-27, “Anyone who comes to me but refuses to let go of father, mother, spouse, children, brothers, sisters—yes, even one's own self!—can't be my disciple. Anyone who won't shoulder his own cross and follow behind me can't be my disciple” (The Message).  My family remains a priority in my life, and I love and miss them dearly, but God wants to be first and foremost in my life.  If He calls me to move away from them, I need to trust Him and obey.  If God wants to strip me of all I hold dear, including myself, I need to say, “Yes Sir”, and endure it. 

And even though I have great confidence in my God and his plans for my life, all of these thoughts still make me a bit anxious.  As I was chatting with my parents and my friend Stephanie on Skype this weekend, I was reminded of the things I left behind when I came to Mexico.  I miss my family and friends.  I miss my kitty, Gabby.  I miss my bed, my motorcycle, my car, my Willow Tree figurines, my books, and everything else that made up my life B.M. (Before Mexico, not to be confused with Bowel Movement…).  I know it sounds petty and selfish, and very un-Disciple or un-Missionary-like, but it’s the truth.  As my friend Stephanie told me though, “At least you’re choosing to follow God and obey”—that’s what I’m holding onto.

Puzzle Piece

While working on assembling a puzzle with Purpose (see Blog 54), I had an epiphany: Life is like a puzzle.  Now I know some of you are thinking, “Sheesh, she’s just now figuring this out?”  Let me expound upon this idea.

When I work on a puzzle, I have a very systematic approach to it.  First I sift through all of the pieces pulling aside the edge pieces.  After assembling the border, I examine the picture for what I think will be the next easiest part to put together, like a building, and pull out the pieces for that.  I continue working on the next “easy” part until all that remains in the puzzle is the sky or grass or leaves—the most difficult portion of the picture.  Eventually, with much effort and concentration, I finish the puzzle and admire how all of the pieces blend together to form a beautiful landscape.  And so, as I was assembling the border this afternoon, I thought how my life is currently like a puzzle, especially where Kenya is involved.  I have this picture of what the puzzle is to resemble, and I go about my systematic approach of pulling the edge pieces (raising money for the trip), putting together the next easiest part (making travel arrangements and purchasing airline tickets), and then finally I’m left with the tough part: finding the vaccinations I need for Kenya here in Mexico.

Before Christmas Vacation, I had asked various people if they could help me figure out how to get vaccinations in Mexico.  Lulu, the secretary and life-force at my school, called to different places and told me that the Centro de Salud down town had all of the vaccines I needed and were open on Saturdays.  So, having that settled, I didn’t look into getting any vaccinations while I was back in the US for Christmas.  Upon returning for break, I found out that one of the teachers I work with has a father who is a doctor, and she told me that he would be able to help me with the shots.  After a few months of waiting, I found out that he was unable to get the vaccines and it would be better to go to the Centro de Salud.  Fast forward to this last Saturday; bright and early in the morning, this teacher friend drove me to the clinic so we would be among the first few in line.  The clinic is scheduled to open at 8am, and we were there at about 7:20 am.  The clinic finally opened the doors at 8:15 and ushered us inside to wait for another half hour while the nurses and staff ate breakfast.  At 9:45 two staff members finally came to our area and said that they did not have many vaccines.  My friend asked if they had any of the ones I needed, and the lady said that they had two of the vaccines but that if I was given the Hepatitis shot they wouldn’t be able to give me the other one for a month, and that I would have to come back during the week to get the shots and that I would have to pay for it—a vaccine that is supposed to be free to anyone under the Mexican health care system (of which I am a part of working for JFK), but because I’m a foreigner they were going to charge me for it.  At this point I was getting angry.  First of all, why would the clinic lie to Lulu about having all of the vaccines when they do not have it?  Secondly, why were the staff members eating breakfast and making people wait and extra 45 minutes—most of the people waiting with me were families with small children who have other things they need to be doing.  And finally, why did these people feel the need to take advantage of me just because I am a foreigner?  I know Mexico isn’t the only country who takes advantage of foreigners—I know there are many people in the US who would do the same, but it just bugs me that I am treated as a “gringa” instead of a person.

Suffice it to say, I was discouraged and worried how I was going to get the vaccinations I needed in order to go to Kenya.  My plane tickets have already been purchased; I can’t just not go.  But I also knew that God has brought me this far and wasn’t going to just abandon me.  So my friend took me back to my apartment and proceeded to call a hospital, and then a pharmacy, and then a local distributor in search for the vaccines I needed.  She used her charm to persuade a man at the distribution center to actually sell us the vaccines I needed because her father was a doctor.  A few hours later the man showed up with Hepatitis A and B, Typhoid, and Yellow Fever vaccines and sold them to me for 1,600 pesos (fairly cheap compared to the US).  The man was quite smitten with my friend and probably would have stayed all afternoon chatting with her, but she convinced him to go.  Then she called her father who came over a few hours later and injected me with the Typhoid and Yellow Fever vaccines, and next week I will get the first of the Hep series.

In one day I went from having no hope of receiving vaccinations to acquiring all three in a matter of hours.  There is no way I could have managed this all on my own—I am EXTREMELY grateful for my friend and her amazing people skills and resourcefulness.

So the pieces of the puzzle are coming together for Kenya.  I can’t wait to see the final picture! 

Someone had "it" Figured Out

I was flipping through Psalm this morning and re-found a passage I marked a while back: "Though I am surrounded by troubles, you will protect me from the anger of my enemies. You reach out your hand, and the power of your right hand saves me. The Lord will work out his plans for my life--for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever. Don't abandon me, for you made me" (138:7-8). This reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11 (my life verse), and I was again struck with the overwhelming feeling of relief that I don't have to worry about my life or what my "enemies" will do to me because God is Sovereign. He is in control of every aspect of my life, and He won't leave me because He made me. Even though I'm struggling with keeping up in work related matters and dealing with difficult people, I know it's what God wants for me right now. And the same is true everyone whether it's having to deal with declining parents, health problems, financial issues, or figuring out what to do with life, "The Lord will work out his plans" in the way He sees fit.  How comforting to know and trust that Someone has things figured out!

Weltanschauung

Good evening World!

In an attempt to procrastinate grading for a bit longer, it’s time for another update.  Usually I have some pre-determined thought on which to expound, but tonight that is not the case.  I simply want to share a bit of the clutter that is on my heart—I’ll do my best to create a path in which you can follow and not get lost, but best to leave a bread-crumb trail to find your way back out…

God continues to astound me.  The purpose for my Mexico Adventure is taking shape, and I am humbled by the task.  I believe God has brought me to Mexico for one specific person; this isn’t to say that God is not using me in the lives other others, but He has focused my sights on one individual specifically—I’m going to call this person Purpose.  Those who know me can explicate that I am a smart-ass (just like my father), and that I get at the heart of issues rather quickly (and humorously).  God has given me a particular boldness in my relationship with Purpose, and I have not shied away from difficult subjects such as religion as sometimes I am inclined to do.  I feel an urgency, and not just because I only have 122 days, 17 hours, and 28 minutes left until the end of the school year (but who’s counting?).  God has placed Purpose on my heart in such an intense fashion that it cannot be ignored.  Without going into specific details, Purpose is in the midst of an enormous life-change, and God is using this change to speak to Purpose, and for some crazy reason God has chosen to include me in this process.  It’s scary, exciting, and extremely humbling.

God continues to encourage me.  After a somewhat stressful day last week, I was signing out at school and found a notecard in my mailbox.  This note expressed kind words about my personality and a reference to James 1:2-4.  The fact that someone took the time to write a few kind words completely made my day.  And this evening I received a post on my FB page from a friend at my old school.  She expressed that people (teachers, parents, AND students) keep asking her if I am going to return next year.  Words cannot express how meaningful a note like that is to me; to know that I have made such an impact in the past that continues to ripple into the future makes my heart smile. 

God continues to shape me.  My time in Mexico is forcing me to examine my belief system and my understanding of how the world works.  In so many ways my life is the same as it was in the US—I go to work, I go to the grocery store for food and other necessities, I interact with people, and I spend WAY too much time online!  Yet with all these similarities, I feel my world view, my “Weltanschauung” according to Mr. Burnett’s World History class, is drastically shifting.  I’ve been fortunate to converse with Mexican Nationals and learn about their perspective on what is happening in their country.  In turn, I have had to learn how to articulate my thoughts and beliefs of the US and the world, and God and religion.  So much of my life has been spent spouting the beliefs and political ideals of my parents, but at the age of 27 (almost 28), saying I believe something because my parents said it was correct just doesn’t hold credit anymore.

God continues to excite me.  In a recent conversation with a friend, she asked me if I was scared about my future since I don’t really know what I will be doing after this school year.  Yes, I am a bit scared, but more than that, I’m excited.  I’m excited about Spring Break; in about 24 days, 13 hours, and 27 minutes (but again, who’s counting?) I will be embarking on an epic adventure to Kenya, and this seriously excites me.  My mom just emailed me the flight confirmation today!  To even have the opportunity to participate in something like this blows my mind.  People may view me as the adventurous type, but I am not!  I am quite happy to hide away in my room and read and stream movies online.  But God builds up such an excitement in me to try new adventures that I just cannot say no.  I am excited about what God will bring my way after this year in Mexico.  Perhaps I will return to Colorado and reunite with all of my friends there—a REALLY exciting and encouraging thought!  Or perhaps I will be called away to do something else.  The only certainty I have is that God is completely and utterly in control of my life; the Creator of the universe and all life has my future in His hands—if that isn’t exciting, I don’t know what is!

These are just a few ramblings on what’s going on in my heart.  I hope you didn’t get too lost and that you’ll be able to find your way home ok.  If you run into an edible-looking house with a strange woman offering you free food if only you’ll peer into her oven, you’ve gone too far.  Best of luck getting out of that one!  Until next time, I wish you many blessings and the sight to recognize them.