How many times have I been angry with God because of
decisions I made that led to disaster?
More times than I’d like to admit on the World Wide Web, or even to my
closest friends. When calamity hits my
life, I immediately search for something or someone to blame. Examining myself and my actions becomes my
last resort if I even attempt it. Holding others responsible, especially God,
captures my utmost attention and demands my efforts. Yet Paul commands in 2 Corinthians 13:5, “Examine
yourselves to see if your faith is genuine.
Test yourselves. Surely you know
that Jesus Christ is among you; if not, you have failed the test of genuine
faith.” I would much rather focus on the
faults of others than look at mine.
God gave me the freedom of will and choice. When I make a choice that ends badly, it is
because of my choice. My struggle with Mexico earlier this school
year was not because God is sadistic and likes to see me suffer; my struggle
came from my choice to disconnect from people and community and engage with
self-pity. Was I mad at God because of
my situation? Yes. I blamed God for bringing me to Mexico, for
allowing horrible things to happen, and then for abandoning me. All of this I realize (in hindsight, of course)
was my own foolishness. I was choosing
to ruin my life through my attitude, and I was angry with God because of it.
I hope this lesson “sticks” this time!
Looking around for someone or something else to blame is a most natural reaction and normal behavior. Casting a critical eye in the mirror is a way tougher thing to do, not to mention, the first place we should all start looking. At least that is where the guy that messes up my life can most often be found, staring right back at me.
ReplyDeleteYou are learning so much at your young age, Kari, you are going to be scary smart when you get to my age.