Letter to Mom

Tonight I was writing an email to my mom and some of the stuff I was writing seemed appropriate to share in a more global fashion, so here’s a sampling of my thoughts to my mom:

“I remember talking with you and dad earlier this school year about perspective and how I just didn't have any. For the first half of this year, you and dad and friends from back home gave me perspective about my situations and prayed that God would help me trust without seeing the reasons behind them. I feel like God is finally starting to reveal a bit of His plan. I still don't know entirely why I'm here in Mexico, of all places. But I get to go to Kenya, I have a friend who's dad is a doctor and can give me all my shots (and probably could help me out with the malaria injections if I were to get that after I get back), I'm learning new tricks to use in the classroom, I'm starting to build some relationships and with whom I might have a positive impact, I'm getting to see and experience some cool things, and at this point, the more I release my worries and stresses to God, He show's me that my future is all planned out. For a while I was stressed about figuring out how to get my vaccinations, where the money would come from to get me to Kenya, what I am going to do after this year, if I'll even survive the rest of this school year--you know, typical stuff. God has it all under His control, and I'm gaining more perspective on that.

I know things can seem pretty bleak because of life circumstances, but I keep coming back to God's promise in Jeremiah 29. Like the Israelites, I think we're in exile; it may not take the same form as it did in history, but I think God's promise holds just as true to us today as it did then: "'For I know the plans I have for you,' says the Lord. 'They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will be found by you,' says the Lord. 'I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.'" (vs 11-14). My captivity may look more like self-pity or depression, but God says if I pray to Him, He will listen, and that if I look for Him, He will be found. Sometimes (MOST times) I wish that He would reveal Himself a little sooner, but He promises that He will!”

Inciting Incidents

I’m about half way through A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: How I Learned to Live a Better Story by Donald Miller (thanks for the recommendation, Brittney!).  In this book, Miller describes his journey of understanding that our lives are made up of stories; they have the same elements: expositions, inciting incidents, rising actions, climaxes, falling actions, and resolutions.  Some people live good stories, other people live boring stories (a bit confusing, but if you read the book, it will all make sense!).  Anyways, as I was walking back to my apartment this afternoon, I was thinking about all of the “inciting incidents” I’ve had in my life that forced me to change.  Just like in stories where something happens in a character’s life that forces him/her to leave home, change jobs, or make some kind of life-altering situation, God places inciting incidents in our lives to force us to change.  Here are some of the moments I came up with:

·         Not getting accepted to the college I planned on attending after high school which forced me to open my mind to Whitworth—amazing experience, but one I would not have chosen on my own

·         Not finding a teaching job in Spokane and having to sub for a year—I learned a lot about having back-up plans and living on my own

·         Not finding a job in the State of Washington and looking in Colorado—made great friends, got trained in IB, and learned a lot about relationships

·         Reaching an uncomfortable place with a friend and my job that made me investigate teaching abroad and brought me to Mexico—I’m learning so much more about relationships, Mexico, and I have the opportunity to visit the Rehema/InStep Orphanage in Kenya

·         Reaching a (many) breaking point(s) here in Mexico that made me decide not to return for a second year—not sure what the fall-out will be since this is current

All of these inciting incidences forced me to make a drastic change in my life.  Without these closed (and in some cases, SLAMMED) doors and as my mom puts it, “death of a vision’s”, I would not be living a very good story.  It’s the conflict in stories that makes them interesting and worth watching or reading.  The same is true with our lives.  Does this make my broken dreams any easier?  In hind-sight, yes because I can see God’s hand in it; while I’m in the midst of the conflict, heck no!  I just want my mommy!  But, it’s also comforting to know that I’m living a really good story! :)

Numerous Blessings

Good news.  Two little words that when combined create an emotional response that rivals the explosion of an Atom Bomb.  Well, at least in my opinion.

I have three pieces of good news to share today (such a welcome note after the last posting, for ALL of us!): 

1) The health clinic where I can get my vaccinations for Kenya is open on Saturdays, so I will not have to take any days off to get my shots!  This is such a stress-reliever!  Now I just need to bribe a Spanish-speaking friend to go with me… any takers?
2)  I was essentially offered a teaching position for next year contingent upon the formality of a Skype interview.
3)  An anonymous donor put a significant amount of money into my Kenya account.

Is this just the beginning of what’s to come or the eye of the storm?  At this point, it doesn’t matter.  I’m living day-by-day, and today is a good and blessed day.

Do I HAVE to?

“I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead!” Philippians 3:10-11

But what happens when I don’t want to suffer or share in His death? 

Since coming to Mexico, I have been fortunate to experience many opportunities that others may never attain: rafting down a powder-blue river in the jungle, visiting a tribute-castle to Surrealism art, being in a crowd so thick I had no control of when I went, experiencing life without water or electricity, trying so many new things it makes my head spin just thinking about it.  My life has been packed with adventure.  I do want to know Christ and follow His leading, and I do want to experience that mighty power that overtakes death—I’ve seen a glimpse and I desire more.  But I’m tired of suffering.  I’m losing sight of why I am here.  Every day is a constant struggle, and I feel that I am being pushed back and defeated.  If it isn’t the struggle of going without basic necessities like running water or electricity, it’s the struggle of loneliness, or battling with politics at work, or dealing with privileged students who don’t give a damn about listening or following directions or learning how to problem-solve—their money and family will take care of them!  Yes, I’ve met some neat people and experienced some fun adventures worth writing home about, but I’ve also been constantly bombarded with difficulties that seem too insurmountable to even attempt let alone conquer.

In Isaiah it talks about God sitting back and watching quietly from his place in Heaven while a battle rages and then He swoops in at the last minute and wins the day (18:4).  Much of our entertainment follows that same theme of waiting until the last moment and then good triumphs over evil and everyone lives happily ever after.  When watching those shows, I find myself skipping to the end mentally and thinking about how awesome everything will be, and I don’t pay attention to the trials the characters face to get to the end.  This is especially true with movies or shows I’ve seen before, like “Lord of the Rings”—I know that Frodo and Sam will survive the journey, Middle Earth will be saved, and Good will triumph over Evil.  I don’t think about the difficulties of the characters; I just enjoy the special effects and wait for the happy ending.  So why can’t the same be true in my life?  I’m trying to focus on the end goal of surviving this school year in Mexico, but I can’t get my mind past all of the difficulties that hound me day after day.  I know God is at work in my life, but I can’t help picturing Him sitting back in His comfy throne just quietly watching me struggle.  When is my Hero going to swoop down into action and save the day?

Every day I try to perk up my attitude by reading an encouraging word from God, and almost every day by the end of the day I feel defeated.

     O Lord, how long will you forget me?  Forever?

                    How long will you look the other way?
             How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul,
                    with sorrow in my heart every day?
                    How long will my enemy have the upper hand?
             Turn and answer me, O Lord my God!
                    Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.
             Don’t let my enemies gloat, saying, “We have defeated him!”
                      Don’t let them rejoice at my downfall.
             But I trust in your unfailing love.
                     I will rejoice because you have rescued me.
             I will sing to the Lord
                     because he is good to me.  Psalm 13

Support for Kenya

Dear Family and Friends,

As many of you know, my parents have been donating their time, energy, and money to a children’s home in Kenya under the name of Rehema InStep Ministries.   Now I have the opportunity to visit this home during the first two weeks of April 2012.
 
Rehema InStep is currently home to 106 mostly abandoned and abused children, 90 of whom are 5-yrs-old and younger.  These kids receive food, shelter, and most importantly, love on a daily basis.  Rehema InStep provides a stable, loving environment for kids who would otherwise be discarded.  In addition to providing a home and family for these children, this ministry also provides jobs for widows, single moms, field workers, and security guards—Rehema InStep is the largest employer in the area of Sibanga, Kenya. 

So where do I come in?  Well, in the words of my father, Terry Kiser, this is a “reconnaissance mission”.  After this school year in Mexico, I do not have any definite plans for next year.  This trip to Kenya will allow me to explore another option for what God might have in store for me in the future.  In addition to scouting options for next year, I hope to accomplish a few goals:

·         Experience God’s love and grace outside of my limited understanding of those qualities

·         Play music for the kids and staff

·         Find inspiration for a few new songs

·         Wade into the melee and assist with the care of the kids

Since my parents’ first trip to the children’s home in 2010, I’ve been looking for a way to visit myself.  Now, God has provided the opportunity with a break the first two weeks of April this year.  I strongly believe He is calling me to Africa to explore His heart.  And so, that leads me to the purpose of this letter: to ask for your support in this endeavor however you feel God would lead you. 

·         Take a long look at the children’s home website: http://www.rehemainstep.com

·         Prayer Support: Take some time to pray for the kids and staff at Rehema InStep, and please join me in praying that God would prepare me mentally, physically, and spiritually for this trip, that he would provide protection and peace in traveling, that God would use me in the lives of everyone I come in contact with and vice versa, and mainly that God would break my heart for the things that break His.

·         Financial Support:  Having a willing heart is not enough to get me to Africa; the cost of the flights and transportation will be between $2300-2500, plus $15 per day to cover the cost of room and board at the children’s home.  Any amount will help.  Support may be mailed to 13455 Gibralter Rd, Anacortes, WA 98221, and checks may be made payable to Rehema InStep (please tag “April Mission—Kari Kiser” in the memo line).  This is a 501c3 organization, so the gifts are tax deductible.

·         Spreading the Word:  Please feel free to share information about Rehema InStep Ministries and/or my trip with others.

If you would like to keep up with all of my adventures to Kenya and back, I will be blogging about them at:  http://dondeestaelbanoporfavor.blogspot.com.  Also, if you would like to learn more about Rehema InStep Ministries, the children they help, and/or learn how to get involved yourself, please visit http://www.rehemainstep.com/. 

Thank you for your time and support!

Kari Kiser

“Then I heard the Lord asking, ‘Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?’ I said, “Here I am. Send me.’”  Isaiah 6:8

Jenga Philosophy

One of my many faults is that I confuse happiness with joy.  Now you Wordsmiths out there may be thinking, “Hey Kari, those two words are synonyms,” and from a purely dictionarial (yes, I just made that word up) perspective, I would agree with you.  From a spiritual perspective, these words are very different.
 
Like most people, I enjoy being happy.  Among some of the top things that make me happy are kind words from others, spending time with friends, giving and receiving gifts, and corny jokes.  I am happiest when these things seem to gel together and everything seems to be under my control.  Unfortunately, happiness is kind of like a game of Jenga; suspense and elation build as yet another wooden piece is pulled from the bottom and placed on top until the structure is unstable and topples in a crashing, heaping mess.  No matter how many levels you construct and how many personal records you accumulate (the highest recorded tower is currently 40 2/3 levels, by the way), the end result is always the same: your creation will topple.


This is the problem with my self-maintained happiness.  Sure, it’s fun for a while, seeing how much happiness I can sustain from the same building blocks just slightly rearranged, but eventually it comes to a crashing end and I am left feeling hollow and dissatisfied.

In contrast to this game of happiness stands joy—the “confident assurance of God’s love and work in our lives” (taken from my NLT Study Bible).  Joy extends beyond individual blocks of circumstances to a firm foundation like that of a house.  Knowing that no matter what may happen in my life, Christ is in control of every minute detail, and that gives me the freedom to experience true Joy.  I don’t have to wonder when my joy will give out and come crashing down because my joy in Christ is solid, as long as I cling to Him and not to my blocks of happiness.

I know this next semester will be filled with trials and disappointments, but God holds my life in His hands, and I want to rest in that assurance and experience that Joy.

Control or Trust

So I was reading the Transformed International (find out more information here: http://www.transformedinternational.org/index.php) blog that Dad posted and scrolled down to the note Daniel wrote about leaving Kenya and I was struck by this part:

I have a lot of anxiety about being in America for more than a few months. Kenya has become home and where I feel like I have purpose, being anywhere but here feels scary. The Lord is reminding me of my perceived “need” to be in control. I’m convinced that control and having faith in the Lord can’t occupy the same space in a man’s soul. So the more I try to be in control, the more my heart struggles with trusting the Father’s plan.  

I don’t like change because I’m not in control. But at the same time, I crave it as it causes me to grasp onto the only firm thing in my life, my relationship with God. (http://blog.transformedinternational.org/)

 

If I replace America with Mexico, and Kenya with America, this seems to be what I'm facing too.  There is absolutely nothing I can control here in Mexico--between the language barrier and the constant barrage of what others are calling "bad luck", I can't do anything to fix my predicaments.  All I can do is continue to work on my attitude and trust God's plan...whatever that may be.  Control and trust are warring words, and the more I give into one, the less I hold onto the other.  This semester I want to hold onto trust and let go of my control.  This is not an easy task, but it’s nice knowing I’m not the only one that feels the way I do about where God has me.

Who Needs Electricity? I DO!!!

So I was all excited to come home from work and continue the planning I started at work for my current unit when I found the power was out AGAIN!  I calmly called Jeff (the guy to call when in trouble) and relayed my predicament.  He sighed and said he would check to see if it was a bill not paid problem.  A few moments later he called again to say the bill had been paid and that he would send a maintenance person out to check into it.  Meanwhile I began the oh-so enjoyable task of cleaning out a rotten refrigerator for the second time this holiday season (the first was my parents’ fridge in the garage that went out while they were in Kenya for two months).  The pungent odor was enough to make me gag and almost vomit several times, and now my entire apartment smells like rotten meat.  The fridge is cleaned out, but still reeks.  The maintenance guy came shortly after I finished washing all of the parts I could pry out of the fridge and proceeded to check the breakers, take off the power amp reader to look at the wires, take off the neighbor’s reader to look at the wires, and then he came back up to my apartment and told me he had to return to school to get a ladder.  I kept myself busy with changing the sheets on my bed and unpacking my suitcase.  While I was packing up my dirty sheets and clothes to take to the lavanderia, I discovered a dead mouse amongst the clothes.  Dropping the pillow case, I jumped back in horror—I did not squeal however!  My suspicions of something nibbling my little Ziploc of marshmallows are confirmed, and I’m glad I changed my sheets!  Yuck!!!  The mouse is not in my trash, waiting to be hauled to the dumpster, and I think I’ve swept up most of the mouse poop.  The little creature seems to have been mostly confined to the two bedrooms because I haven’t found any evidence of poop anywhere else in my apartment…yet.  I am a bit disgusted that it died in my dirty laundry, but perhaps I could market the idea as the latest in mouse bait.  Now I have added to my grocery list D-con, or whatever mouse killer they have here.  In the meantime, I’m leaving my dirty laundry where it is to ward off any friends, and dining on chocolate until I can get to the grocery store and have somewhere cold to put my food.  I’m not sure when the power will be back on, but I’m praying soon.

You all should be grateful that I’m dealing with so many adversities—what else would I have to blog about so you can be thoroughly entertained from a safe distance?

Oh, and here’s what I read yesterday in Psalm 42: “ Why am I discouraged? Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God!  Now I am deeply discouraged, but I will remember you—even from the distand Mount Hermon, the source of the Jordan, from the land of Mount Mizar. I hear the tumult of the raging seas as your waves and surging tides sweep over me. But each day the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life.”

 
I’m still pretty discouraged  since things are starting to bleed over into my work—I can’t plan, I can’t grade the essays online, I’m not getting much help from people at school because everyone is busy with something more important, and I can’t focus at school because of being preoccupied by my problems.  I would like to have one area of my life here in Mexico that is not so difficult, but that doesn’t seem to be God’s plan for me right now.  I can only trust God’s unfailing love for me and His plan for my life.

New Theme Song

Over break I heard a song that pretty much sums up what I think God is up to in my life: “Blessings” by Laura Story.  Here is the chorus:

“'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise”

I know God is working in my life, but everything over the past couple of years have been way more difficult than I could have ever anticipated, and this year especially has pushed me past my breaking point more times than I can count..  But after spending two relaxing and comfortable weeks in the comfort of my parents’ home, I was hopeful that returning to Mexico would be a bit easier…

Surprisingly, the actual traveling part was relatively good.  At 3:05 am my dad loaded my suitcase, guitar, and two carry-on bags into my Mazda and my parents and I drove down to SEATAC for my 7:06 am flight.  My parents said a quick prayer over me at the curb, my mom gave me some cash for food (gotta love moms!), and I went to check my bag and guitar.  I made my way to the gate by way of the underground train, and arrived in plenty of time to watch a few episodes of “The Middle” before take-off.  San Francisco airport was fine, although I learned the hard way to find food before walking down to the International Flights wing.  After a three hour layover and more of “The Middle” I found my seat for my flight to Mexico City.  After getting situated, a flight attendant asked me if I wouldn’t mind moving to the exit row so a family could sit together, so I got to enjoy extra leg room and empty seats all around me!  The flight part was great!

We landed in Mexico City around 7pm and I spent the next hour waiting in line to get through customs.  When it was my turned, I handed the agent my work visa, Passport, and new immigration slip, and I passed right through!  I thanked God and hurried off to find my checked luggage, which was waiting for when I got to the carousel.  I passed through the next security point without having to be searched, and found the bus ticketing counter after asking a security guard by 8:20 pm.  I purchased my bus ticket to Querétaro on the next available bus, which was at 9:10 pm.  After waiting for an hour, I finally boarded the bus.  During the next three hours, I slept for about 15 minutes.  We pulled into the bus station about 12:00 am, and I purchased my ticket for a taxi and waited in a line outside for another hour to get in the taxi (got to love Mexican efficiency).  At 1:15 am I finally made it to my apartment and discovered I had no electricity, and I couldn’t find an open internet signal to email my parents to let them know I made it safely, and I was out of minutes on my phone so I couldn’t text or call them either.

This morning I got up and checked my refrigerator to discover a terrible odor, just like the one I dealt with when I cleaned out my parents’ fridge over break—apparently my electricity had been off for a long time.  This of course made me burst into tears of frustration.  After getting a recharge on my phone, I was finally able to contact my parents and share my frustration of not being able to plan or grade (of which I had done none over break) and they prayed for me over the phone.  The rest of the afternoon I worked on putting together a 1000 piece puzzle (over half way done with it too), played guitar a bit (it is so nice to be able to play and sing again), finished watching the first season of “The Middle” including all of the special features, and started the pilot episode of “Alias” again—the battery life on my new laptop is pretty awesome!  I decided to make a cup of hot chocolate to warm up since I couldn’t use my heaters and I felt like I was camping with my headlamp and heating water in a frying pan over the gas burner.  After I climbed back into bed, I heard voices outside my window and then my bedside clock lit up—I had power!!!  This doesn’t solve the problem of my refrigerator being full of rotting food, but this does solve my issue of having no internet and no heat!

Do I know what God is up to?  Is He trying to determine at what point I break down and cry (which doesn’t take much here in Mexico)?   I have no idea, but I do know that His plans are for good and not disaster (no matter how much it feels the opposite), and plans to give me a hope and a future (no matter how hopeless things seem to get).  I am strapping myself to this verse in Jeremiah because I’m exhausted from clinging to it for so long.  At this point I do not want to be here in Mexico, but I still believe this is where God wants me, and I want to be obedient.  I desperately need your prayers and encouragements to continue.  Thank you for all of your support!