Fences and Chinks

It’s been over a year since I was last at the Garden of the Gods in Colorado Springs, and there have been a few changes.  One of those changes is an addition of fences along the sidewalk.  Every few yards there are signs stating: “To help preserve nature, please stay on sidewalks”.  While I understand the intent behind this addition to the park, I can’t help feeling that I am no longer allowed to engage with the beauty that is here.  See the beauty, sure; be in awe, yes; but really engage by wandering through the grass or nestling into a crevice of the Red Giants, no.  Not allowed.  Prohibited.  Inaccessible. 

And is this not what I do in my relationship with God?  What is intended for direct contact and interaction—an authentic relationship—I pervert and distort by building fences to keep out.  In order to “stay on track” with God, I set up boundaries to keep moving towards my goal—a godly life.  By staying on a certain track, I think I am “preserving” God’s beauty.  I can love God and be blown away with the visual beauty of Him, but I cannot partake in His beauty.  Not allowed.  Prohibited.  Inaccessible.  By building these fences to help me be a good Christian, I so limit and deprave the true meaning of Love and Beauty.  Why do I feel the necessity to guard myself from engaging in true Beauty?  I believe I choose the sidewalk version because if I can only “see” God’s beauty, I can talk about that experience while preserving my shame.  If I don’t engage with God’s true beauty, I can’t see what is truly ugly in me.  I know my sin is ugly, but only compared to what I have categorized as beautiful.

Yet as I searched along the fence in the park, I found chink in which I could enter into the park instead of merely walking along the periphery.  Without this opening, I would never have known what I missed.  God has been revealing these fissures in my own life, allowing me to participate in His beauty.  And through these interactions I am realizing what I’m missing—I’m settling for my own definition of beauty, and while I may feel safer in this, I am not really living.

With these glimpses comes a drive to rip out the fences in my life, but as soon as I get on the other side and back on the “Christian Sidewalk”, I forget my chink experience and decide to walk along the fence until I find another opening rather than create one myself.  This side of Heaven, I don’t know that I will change much, but I’m becoming aware of my fences, and there’s power in that.