Tempted to Run

From my WordLive devotional this morning: "Reading Acts, it’s easy to forget that it wasn’t all like an action movie! There was the everyday stuff, plus being far from home and its comforts. Like Mark, for us it can be tempting to settle, to step aside from the journey because travelling with God can be demanding. And isn’t it so much easier to opt for what we know and what we feel we can control?" 

We’ve been reading Acts after dinner here at the orphanage this month, and my email devotional has joined in too, so perhaps God is trying to teach me something…  Today’s reading came from Acts 13.

This is definitely how I feel right now.  In trying to unearth what God is calling me to do, I feel a bit like Mark who left Paul and Barnabas in the middle of their first trip.  At the beginning, everything is new and exciting—it’s easy to get swept up in the energy.  Towards the middle, everything sparkly and fresh fades, and homesickness sets in.  The desire to be surrounded by familiar people and settings kicks into overdrive.  Tiredness sets in, and that can lead to weariness and frustration.

I certainly experienced this in Mexico last year.  After about a few months, I wasn’t so keen on remaining south of the border… I struggled daily to keep going, and I failed daily as my focus became less about the kids and more about me.

Yesterday I hit that wall here in Kenya.  It wasn’t a full out run and then *smack* into it, more of just a slow meander and then, “Oh look, a wall”.  My focus is not on the kids so much right now.  It’s elsewhere.  And while I’m not so much homesick, I am tired.  Life is hard here.  Every day I am disappointed and frustrated by people.  Whether it be not keeping a promised word, not cleaning up after oneself, or putting one’s own needs over the needs of others, especially the kids, it’s exhausting.  I’m weary of human nature that is so in-your-face here.  I find it so easy to be caught up in all of the drama that I lose focus for why I’m here in the first place—to work with the kids and help in minor ways that make a major difference.

The kids here are precious, annoying at times but exquisite children of The King.  Not only the kids, but the adults are as well, black, white or other.  I need to remain mindful of this fact.

Instead of turning back now (mentally, because I will remain here physically for at least another month and ½) like Mark, I need to press on in my mission here like Barnabas and Paul.  For those of my readers that are praying folk, I deeply request your prayers over this issue.  I think that God is working on my heart in preparation for whatever comes next, whether that is to raise funds to return here to Kenya full time or to go wherever else the Spirit leads.  Regardless of where I end up, I need to find contentment in everything, especially when I hit that “wall”.